“You need to be a Twitter Influencer.”

 Apparently that’s how I’ll be successful. That’s how I’ll show my prowess, prove my true worth. So naturally the next question is, how do I become one?

 “Well, you need to be active,” Becky said. I was! “You’ve got to have followers.” I did!

 “You must follow very few people in return.” Thus my dream of Twitter power died on the spot.

 Maybe it did explain why some people follow me and unfollow as soon as I follow back. Trying to grow their following – or perhaps they hit the ‘unfollow’ key when they meant to hit something else. One woman had followed me at least four times. I always follow her back – and I always unfollow as soon as I catch her out. It’s like a game to me.

 My friend Becky – a fellow indie writer with a lot more Klout than me (she insists on spelling clout that way), was trying to mentor me.

 “Let’s weed out your followers – I call it ‘Twitter gardening’. You ever hear of that?”

 I thought about it. “Well, I’ve heard of a Twitter Hoe before.”

 Becky looked at me a long time. “You really are clueless, aren’t you?”

 Thus began an exhaustive study, or what Becky calls the great purge. It turns out that while I’m good at unfollowing those who don’t follow back (I got an ‘A-’), I fall down in following back all who follow me. Apparently I shouldn’t do that.

 “Like this kid in Idaho.” Becky pointed to the screen. “Why did you follow him?”

 “He’s a fellow writer.”

 “He’s hoping to write his first story by spring.”

 I love writers, and intention counts. It took many minutes to explain that to Becky.

 “And what about these two? They’re not writers at all.”

 “Artists,” I nodded at the profiles. “All artists deserve to be nurtured. I won’t turn my back on them.”

 Becky moved on. “And this guy? He’s a roofer — every tweet is about tile versus asphalt. And that one only talks in Greek. Actual Greek.”

 I could see her point. But I couldn’t bring myself to reject them. “We’ve got history. They both followed me – and have been faithful, you see.” It turns out I can’t reject anyone who doesn’t reject me.

 Now don’t get me wrong — Becky’s exercise did help, and I set my limits. If I can’t find a way to translate their language, I don’t follow. After all, they may be laughing at me and I’m just retweeting it. And I no longer follow those who want to sell me 10,000 Twitter followers. Becky’s convinced me they’re not really lonely.

 I suppose I’m not cut out to be a Twitter Influencer. I like the Social side of social media.

 But I am slowly learning Greek.

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